“There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will.”- Unknown

Realization! Yes, there surely does come a point in life, when you feel that it’s time to get things in order. The brain starts to function in normal mode.  It finally decides on sorting the mess created by unwarranted for situations and events in one’s life, the cause of which of course are devils in the garb of mortal human beings. The agenda of these devious individuals is to ensure that the other person’s heart, head, work, peace of mind and overall life is screwed to the maximum extent possible.

When finally a shock wave hits the brain and there is some inflow of oxygen does one realize, the damage done and then first things first, prioritization initiates. It is at this stage when one sets priorities, if it were for me, I would start with the process of elimination, cut the root cause of the problem out of your life and system, to at least control further damage. Then starts the actual process of touching base with the people who would play the role of the healers. They will not only be there to listen to you but also understand and empathize along with providing a shoulder for you to cry upon. These usually are your friends, true friends, will be there to scold yet comfort you. Then the self-realization process initiates, and one realizes that it is the self which should always matter. Self esteem and self respect should never be lost out upon purely because you gave someone the authority to come into your life and get that space where they could easily hurt you and of course leave you wounded. As their agenda was to never be there to standby and protect but to damage and leave. The damage seems irreparable and unbearable but then as time heals all wounds,  there will be a time when the wounds do heal and the pain subsides and life meanders through its course.

At the end of this entire process, what one is left with is – Realization of who matters, who never did and who always will.

P.S.: Just saw the time, I now realize it’s time to hit the sack

Lately I have been coming across this phrase ‘Moving On…’ a lot too often. Be it in terms of a job change or the more common reference of relationships. A job change of course isn’t the hot topic of discussion today. Yes, the focus is on moving on in relationships.

How easy is it to “move on?” Does it really happen that one CAN actually put everything in the past and go ahead into something new with ease? Seeing people around me, I can say, well not really that easy. Moving on or in other words separating and starting afresh wouldn’t be a cake walk I presume. If someone asks me on the possibility, I don’t think the phrase and phase would be anything but easy. Emotional involvement with anyone is an exchange of not only moments or times spent together but much more than that. It is more so an exchange of personalities, thought process, energies and much beyond which words shall always fail to explain. A part of both the individuals is exchanged, the separation ends up leaving a void, which in most cases takes a very long time to fill. At times an eternity.

To summarize moving on is a slow process and doesn’t really happen in it’s entirety. Those who have ever been involved in a relationship would know this better, how ever many years may pass by, but there are times when you do tend to remember the past. It could be just memories flashing by or a chance meeting at a social do with your ex. There are moments that do tend to flash by, if not stay permanently (for numerous reasons).

2011 has come…reminiscing 2010 and the months gone by….well it started off well…but kept becoming cumbersome, difficult and unbearable.

If I had a wish, I would NOT EVER want a year like 2010. God, hope you are listening to this! Please do not repeat anything like the events of the year gone by.

The year has changed, the date has changed, 2 days of the new year have gone by already. Looking forward to the next 12 months with a hope of fun, happiness, joy, smiles, achievements, zero pain and zero tensions.

Hoping the same for all!

Happy New Year to everyone. Happy 2011!

Take Care and Keep Smiling!

Moments…Flashes…Memories…..Smiles and Tears……More Memories…More Flashes…More Smiles and Tears….Numb is me! Comfortably numb I ask myself….but this numbness leaves me very uncomfortable…so can’t be comfortably numb…I guess it’s just Numb!

I have always felt like a winner…at least till sometime ago. Lately there’s something not right….actually a whole lot of things which are not right or something that is going fine ending completely wrong. Somewhere I had read my horoscope which stated that if July was bad then August will seem like it’s crashing down. Don’t know how true it turns out to be (I hope it doesn’t any further) but then it is as if I the peace escapes just like sand does from one’s fist. I try hard to grab it…to make sure it stays. Yet it keeps slipping out of my hands. However, hard I try.

Have you ever had the feeling of being suffocated? Or felt that you are trapped in that box with a lock with no place to escape. Giving no room to breathe or any outlet to escape. Suffocated I am feeling. I have so much inside me yet nothing to share.

I feel like crying out loud, scream like crazy….yet nothing comes out. Why is everything so stiffled? Whom to blame? God? Destiny? or Me?

It’s as if the dreams I had made are being washed away by the waves…just like the wordings of the song below mention:

Khoyi khoyi si hoon main
Kyun yeh dil ka haal hai
Dhundli saari khwaab hai
Ulja har khayaal hai
Saari kaliyan murja gayi
Rang unke yaadon mein beh gaye
Saare gharaande reet ke
Lehrein aayi, lehron mein beh gayi

Raah mein kal kitni chirag the
Saamne kal phoolon ki bhaag thi
Iss se kahun kaun hai jo sune
Kaante hi kyun maine hai chune
Sapne mere kyun hai kho gaye
Jaage hai kyun dil mein gumm mere
Saare kaliyan murja gayi
Rang unke yaadon mein beh gaye
Saare gharaande reet ke
Lehrein aayi, lehron mein beh gayi

Na na na ..

Kya kahun kyun yeh dil udaas hai
Ab koi door hai na paas hai
Choo le jo dil woh baatein ab kahan
Woh din kahan raatein ab kahan
Jo bhi dhakhal hai ab khawab sa
Ab dil mera hai betaab sa
Saari kaliyan murja gayi
Rang unke yaadon mein beh gaye
Saare gharaande reet ke
Lehrein aayi, lehron mein beh gayi, beh gaye…

And Life continues….

Hai dil ko teri aarzoo
Par main tujhe naa paa sakoon
Hai dil ko teri justjoo
Par main tujhe naa paa sakoon
Main hoon shab tuu subah
Dono jud ke judaa
Main hoon lab tuu dua
Dono jud ke judaa
Saajnaa… Mahiyaa… SaajnaVe

Kaee khwaab dil tujhko lekar sajaaye
Par khauff yeh bhi kahiin par sataaye
Gar ye bhi toote toh phir hoga kya re
Mujhe raas aati hain khushiyaan kahaa re
Kyon dil ko dukhana bevajah SaajnaVe
Kyon dil ko dukhana bevajah
Phir aansoon bahaana ik dafaa…
Main hoon shab tuu subah
Dono jud ke judaa
Main hoon lab tuu dua
Dono jud ke judaa
Saajnaa… Mahiyaa… SaajnaVe

Tuu hi toh har pal bandha hain lamhon ki in zanjeeron me
Tuu hi toh har dum raha hain khwaabon ki har tabeeron me
Tuu hi toh har din dikha hain dhundli ya ujli tasveeron me
Teri hi toh hain khushboo mujhme haan SaajnaaVe
Teri hi toh hain khushboo mujhme haan…
Ab tuu hi toh har soon har jagah…
Main hoon shab tuu subah
Dono jud ke judaa
Main hoon lab tuu dua
Dono jud ke judaa
Saajnaa… Mahiyaa… SaajnaVe

Haan tera saaya toh main hoon
Par sang tere naa reh sakoon
Haan is safar me toh main hoon
Par sang tere naa ruk sakoon
Main hoon shab tuu subah
Dono jud ke judaa
Main hoon lab tuu dua
Dono jud ke judaa
Saajnaa… Mahiyaa… SaajnaVe

(For once Mika’s voice is not annoying…love the lyrics.)

There is a smile on my face yet the twinkle missing from the eye. The walk there…..but the spring amiss. With so much at hand….yet empty handed. So much happiness around….but just a fleeting glimpse of it for me. I am no doubt luckier than a lot others…yet luck just manages to give the slip in things that matter the most right now. Everything exists but I only experience a momentary existence of it all.

I have a problem, which I now classify as a disorder. A disorder which does make me feel weird to myself. The problem at hand is that I remember too much. Memories dating from years and years on, of moments ranging from junior year of school to college and then now. I remember places, times, dates, events, moments which are not even events. What people said, when they said, how they said, what they were wearing, exact location etc etc.

It is not that I try and remember these moments and incidents, they just stay engraved, embossed, imprinted and all the words that can describe to such effect automatically. Even if i try to forget them, yet they refuse to leave my side or rather my mind. Often I hear from those around me that you choose to remember and you choose to forget. In moments of analysis and trying to figure out why this happens and how I remember things, I have realized that I do not make a conscious effort  to remember them, they just do not leave my side. Or to put it the other way around somewhere deep down I do not wish to forget them. Either ways it is me who is at the focal point and the turmoil center is of course my mind.

Now when I think over it, I am tilting towards the realization that maybe it is me who does not want to let go of these memories. Letting go…is it that easy? It isn’t easy at all, somewhere we don’t want to let go of them. The void they leave behind is what causes the pain not remembering them but the feeling that those times which brought smiles won’t be there any longer. Of course each past moment is replaced with a new and futuristic one so on and so forth. Yet, the impact and effect the past ones leave is irreplaceable.

The current state of my mind is that I am in a bubble. A Memory Bubble. Memories surround me, envelop me, wrap their arms around me and hug me forever. Hugs which are so warm that I just want to stay there and not be let loose or even want the bubble to burst. I want to freeze moments. I wish I could. I would have gone into the past and frozen lots and lots of moments and stayed there forever. The problem is bizarre. Any suggestions to cure it???

With each passing year a new number is added. With each passing year situations/instances may change, but the emotions remain unchanged. With each passing year the words are more or less the same. With each passing year I add another number and write a post here….to wish my space A HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCRIBBLINGS!!!!

It’s been 6 years and though I come by at intervals sometime long sometime short and sometimes extended breaks, yet my bonding with this space keeps growing stronger. Each year there are a series of posts relating to various moods, moments, situations, phases and people of my life documented for eternity (or at least till this website keeps functioning ) This time too I hope I keep this place more active! And now I enjoy taking the slice of cake and eating it…yummm!

Till next time..take care and keep smiling!

Changes and only changes…that is what life is all about. Good or bad is testified by time. The moments at time make you happy and then there are times when they leave us sad. Change is the only constant and the ball keeps rolling with every roll creating a new mark and leaving an imprint in our life. Imprints which form a collage in our brain and keep flashing now and then making us smile and at the same time leave a few tears in our eyes. I am not sad neither am very happy. I just have confused and mixed emotions. Life has various ways to test you and will power, guess this is one such way…..of flashing memories, of moments of fun, of smiles and of joy.  Of locations, of places you have been while enjoying those times. Times when it all seemed to be perfect. Guess it was too good to be true and last always. Though I wouldn’t mind freezing the moment in time and stay there forever. The wordings of the song are true…All Good Things Come To An End. Sad yet true!

On a confused note I end this post while listening to the following song:

Hum, rahen ya na rahen kal
Kal yaad aayenge ke ye pal
Pal, ye hain pyar ke pal
Chal, aa mere sang chal
Chal, soche kya
Chhoti si, hai zindagi
Kal, mil jaaye to hogi khush-naseebi

Hum rahen ya na rahen yaad aayenge ye pal
Hum rahen ya na rahen yaad aayenge ye pal

Till next time take care and keep smiling…:)