A Problem at Hand….
I have a problem, which I now classify as a disorder. A disorder which does make me feel weird to myself. The problem at hand is that I remember too much. Memories dating from years and years on, of moments ranging from junior year of school to college and then now. I remember places, times, dates, events, moments which are not even events. What people said, when they said, how they said, what they were wearing, exact location etc etc.
It is not that I try and remember these moments and incidents, they just stay engraved, embossed, imprinted and all the words that can describe to such effect automatically. Even if i try to forget them, yet they refuse to leave my side or rather my mind. Often I hear from those around me that you choose to remember and you choose to forget. In moments of analysis and trying to figure out why this happens and how I remember things, I have realized that I do not make a conscious effort to remember them, they just do not leave my side. Or to put it the other way around somewhere deep down I do not wish to forget them. Either ways it is me who is at the focal point and the turmoil center is of course my mind.
Now when I think over it, I am tilting towards the realization that maybe it is me who does not want to let go of these memories. Letting go…is it that easy? It isn’t easy at all, somewhere we don’t want to let go of them. The void they leave behind is what causes the pain not remembering them but the feeling that those times which brought smiles won’t be there any longer. Of course each past moment is replaced with a new and futuristic one so on and so forth. Yet, the impact and effect the past ones leave is irreplaceable.
The current state of my mind is that I am in a bubble. A Memory Bubble. Memories surround me, envelop me, wrap their arms around me and hug me forever. Hugs which are so warm that I just want to stay there and not be let loose or even want the bubble to burst. I want to freeze moments. I wish I could. I would have gone into the past and frozen lots and lots of moments and stayed there forever. The problem is bizarre. Any suggestions to cure it???
that makes two of us…sigh!
do let me know when you come up with an effective solution
Comment by pri — May 17, 2010 @ 6:22 am
can u gimme some of that…i so need memory!!! mine sucks!!!
Comment by mayz — May 18, 2010 @ 3:17 pm
Hi,Anz-consider yourself lucky…or,share some of that memory here-I often forget people’s names-met this good supplier of electrical items some days back-talked to him for 10 minutes, yet,couldn’t recall his name..remembered after he left.:)
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Waise,u’d have enjoyed meeting my (late)Grandmom-she even used to remember the garam gota and bhajiya she had in 1960, at so-and-so railway station,besides all the regular memories- sitting when she was discussing people from the family tree, with other relatives, made me wonder-she knew first,second,third,fourth cousins,their parents,grandparents….Whew.And,I don’t even remember what I wore or ate yesterday..haha.
Comment by AmitL — May 21, 2010 @ 7:20 pm
How do you do that?
But forgetting is a boon.
Comment by austere — June 8, 2010 @ 3:12 pm
You know, for me remembering things, memories- good or bad is always a little disturbing. I mean- usually my dreams, while sleeping amaze me. That is when I mean even things people said like years back , come back to my mind- the connection is so strong.
Otherwise when I am awake, my way of dealing with all this overwhelming information, past is 2 way:
1)Work- read, job, study, watch tv, whatever- be totally , 100% involved in it- as if nothing else exists.
2)Meditate- Like 20 mins a day
That is when – I everything – everything of the day, past issues, disturbances I let go, flush out.
Kyunki mujhe toh sad memories hoti hain- toh dukh hota hai, ki kyun hua, happy hoti hain toh lagta hai- ab nahi hain.
And then memories hold karne k liye toh phir, Photos are there!
Comment by bhawna — June 10, 2010 @ 2:03 am