How easy is it to “move on?” Does it really happen that one CAN actually put everything in the past and go ahead into something new with ease? Seeing people around me, I can say, well not really that easy. Moving on or in other words separating and starting afresh wouldn’t be a cake walk I presume. If someone asks me on the possibility, I don’t think the phrase and phase would be anything but easy. Emotional involvement with anyone is an exchange of not only moments or times spent together but much more than that. It is more so an exchange of personalities, thought process, energies and much beyond which words shall always fail to explain. A part of both the individuals is exchanged, the separation ends up leaving a void, which in most cases takes a very long time to fill. At times an eternity.

To summarize moving on is a slow process and doesn’t really happen in it’s entirety. Those who have ever been involved in a relationship would know this better, how ever many years may pass by, but there are times when you do tend to remember the past. It could be just memories flashing by or a chance meeting at a social do with your ex. There are moments that do tend to flash by, if not stay permanently (for numerous reasons).

Have you ever had the feeling of being suffocated? Or felt that you are trapped in that box with a lock with no place to escape. Giving no room to breathe or any outlet to escape. Suffocated I am feeling. I have so much inside me yet nothing to share.

I feel like crying out loud, scream like crazy….yet nothing comes out. Why is everything so stiffled? Whom to blame? God? Destiny? or Me?

It’s as if the dreams I had made are being washed away by the waves…just like the wordings of the song below mention:

Khoyi khoyi si hoon main
Kyun yeh dil ka haal hai
Dhundli saari khwaab hai
Ulja har khayaal hai
Saari kaliyan murja gayi
Rang unke yaadon mein beh gaye
Saare gharaande reet ke
Lehrein aayi, lehron mein beh gayi

Raah mein kal kitni chirag the
Saamne kal phoolon ki bhaag thi
Iss se kahun kaun hai jo sune
Kaante hi kyun maine hai chune
Sapne mere kyun hai kho gaye
Jaage hai kyun dil mein gumm mere
Saare kaliyan murja gayi
Rang unke yaadon mein beh gaye
Saare gharaande reet ke
Lehrein aayi, lehron mein beh gayi

Na na na ..

Kya kahun kyun yeh dil udaas hai
Ab koi door hai na paas hai
Choo le jo dil woh baatein ab kahan
Woh din kahan raatein ab kahan
Jo bhi dhakhal hai ab khawab sa
Ab dil mera hai betaab sa
Saari kaliyan murja gayi
Rang unke yaadon mein beh gaye
Saare gharaande reet ke
Lehrein aayi, lehron mein beh gayi, beh gaye…

And Life continues….

It is not that I try and remember these moments and incidents, they just stay engraved, embossed, imprinted and all the words that can describe to such effect automatically. Even if i try to forget them, yet they refuse to leave my side or rather my mind. Often I hear from those around me that you choose to remember and you choose to forget. In moments of analysis and trying to figure out why this happens and how I remember things, I have realized that I do not make a conscious effort  to remember them, they just do not leave my side. Or to put it the other way around somewhere deep down I do not wish to forget them. Either ways it is me who is at the focal point and the turmoil center is of course my mind.

Now when I think over it, I am tilting towards the realization that maybe it is me who does not want to let go of these memories. Letting go…is it that easy? It isn’t easy at all, somewhere we don’t want to let go of them. The void they leave behind is what causes the pain not remembering them but the feeling that those times which brought smiles won’t be there any longer. Of course each past moment is replaced with a new and futuristic one so on and so forth. Yet, the impact and effect the past ones leave is irreplaceable.

The current state of my mind is that I am in a bubble. A Memory Bubble. Memories surround me, envelop me, wrap their arms around me and hug me forever. Hugs which are so warm that I just want to stay there and not be let loose or even want the bubble to burst. I want to freeze moments. I wish I could. I would have gone into the past and frozen lots and lots of moments and stayed there forever. The problem is bizarre. Any suggestions to cure it???

It’s been 6 years and though I come by at intervals sometime long sometime short and sometimes extended breaks, yet my bonding with this space keeps growing stronger. Each year there are a series of posts relating to various moods, moments, situations, phases and people of my life documented for eternity (or at least till this website keeps functioning ) This time too I hope I keep this place more active! And now I enjoy taking the slice of cake and eating it…yummm!

Till next time..take care and keep smiling!

On a confused note I end this post while listening to the following song:

Hum, rahen ya na rahen kal
Kal yaad aayenge ke ye pal
Pal, ye hain pyar ke pal
Chal, aa mere sang chal
Chal, soche kya
Chhoti si, hai zindagi
Kal, mil jaaye to hogi khush-naseebi

Hum rahen ya na rahen yaad aayenge ye pal
Hum rahen ya na rahen yaad aayenge ye pal

Till next time take care and keep smiling…:)

It’s been long since I have smiled the beaming smile that comes from deep within. Am smiling and happy for a very very dear friend.

…..till next time Take Care & Keep Smiling Always!!!!