Hai dil ko teri aarzoo
Par main tujhe naa paa sakoon
Hai dil ko teri justjoo
Par main tujhe naa paa sakoon
Main hoon shab tuu subah
Dono jud ke judaa
Main hoon lab tuu dua
Dono jud ke judaa
Saajnaa… Mahiyaa… SaajnaVe

Kaee khwaab dil tujhko lekar sajaaye
Par khauff yeh bhi kahiin par sataaye
Gar ye bhi toote toh phir hoga kya re
Mujhe raas aati hain khushiyaan kahaa re
Kyon dil ko dukhana bevajah SaajnaVe
Kyon dil ko dukhana bevajah
Phir aansoon bahaana ik dafaa…
Main hoon shab tuu subah
Dono jud ke judaa
Main hoon lab tuu dua
Dono jud ke judaa
Saajnaa… Mahiyaa… SaajnaVe

Tuu hi toh har pal bandha hain lamhon ki in zanjeeron me
Tuu hi toh har dum raha hain khwaabon ki har tabeeron me
Tuu hi toh har din dikha hain dhundli ya ujli tasveeron me
Teri hi toh hain khushboo mujhme haan SaajnaaVe
Teri hi toh hain khushboo mujhme haan…
Ab tuu hi toh har soon har jagah…
Main hoon shab tuu subah
Dono jud ke judaa
Main hoon lab tuu dua
Dono jud ke judaa
Saajnaa… Mahiyaa… SaajnaVe

Haan tera saaya toh main hoon
Par sang tere naa reh sakoon
Haan is safar me toh main hoon
Par sang tere naa ruk sakoon
Main hoon shab tuu subah
Dono jud ke judaa
Main hoon lab tuu dua
Dono jud ke judaa
Saajnaa… Mahiyaa… SaajnaVe

(For once Mika’s voice is not annoying…love the lyrics.)

There is a smile on my face yet the twinkle missing from the eye. The walk there…..but the spring amiss. With so much at hand….yet empty handed. So much happiness around….but just a fleeting glimpse of it for me. I am no doubt luckier than a lot others…yet luck just manages to give the slip in things that matter the most right now. Everything exists but I only experience a momentary existence of it all.

Is it me or the world refuses to understand the word HOLIDAY?!?!? There have been many a times when I’ve been called a workaholic. I enjoy my work, though it’s somewhat off late on a downward curve. But then again not to digress from the main point, there are times when workaholics need a break too….don’t they?  Start of a long weekend after ages….and I am sleeping….probably dreaming with a faint distant buzzing sound reaching out to me and constantly trying to probe and grasp my attention. I keep ignoring it…but it’s persistence increases and increases and finally reaches a point when ignoring it is highly impossible. Focusing my attention towards the sound I proceed to find it’s source and voila!  it is my phone and it is a client who has called approximately 5 times in a span of 10 minutes!!! Oh well..I pick the call up…hear and respond something groggily to a question which didn’t qualify as a question at all in the first place and could have easily waited till Monday morning..but that unfortunately doesn’t happen. So after giving the answer and disconnecting the call..I see the time….just 7:45 am. Even if it wasn’t a holiday…some patience to a respectable time would have been highly appreciated. Nonetheless….moving on… I drop back to bed to catch a few more winks but the peaceful sleep I was in was lost. Sometime later I go around to getting ready in a sort of relaxed manner…to come out to see my phone again with only 10 missed calls….of course all only work related. Clients and a few office people—-now I wonder how many of them would take calls on their off days?!?!?!? Anyways proceeding with my plans for the day I meet my friends and have barely said a hi-hello to them my phone rings again….another call! The story continues and am out having lunch…and again, no points for guessing there ..yup calls and 2 of them back to back…clear indications of being busy are lost. Guess the illegal network towers en route to being torn down in Delhi may have affected the reception of human beings as well. Okay let’s put these calls aside..i finish the yummy lunch over lots of talk.

It’s coffee time (barely 30-45 minutes from lunch) and my phone rings again…again office….loud conversations fill my backdrop..their attempts to reach out the person on the phone and get the point across that I am out and busy were of course futile. A 10 minute long conversation again of no life threat emergency continued.

In a span of my 4 hours out of the house with friends…I must have spent approximately 30 or 45 odd minutes on the phone. I don’t mind the calls but whatever happened to letting people unwind and letting people enjoy their day off??? Guess it’s too much to ask for when you work. After a point it got unnerving and I was kind of irritated. But then not much of a choice we have…do we?

Sometimes I wonder if this is God’s way of testing my patience or just my karma….the things I want to go away from keep coming back to me…. not once, not twice byt always. Why can’t these things stop happening? Why do things have to keep coming back? Why can’t this whole cycle stop repeating again and again? Oh Why? Will this ordeal ever end?

I am a sucker for “good old days.” My school days, college days or even the days of my initially starting work (yup, its not the same anymore). It’s raining here…though the weather is gloomy I feel nostalgic and am smiling, reminiscing how we used to sit in class struggling with math and concepts of physics which made no sense and see the raindrops on the class window, wishing we were home sleeping snuggled in our cozy quilts and what am I doing here screaming in my head. As I frame this post on my phone, I see a bunch of kids on a rickshaw enjoying the cool wintery breeze on their face yet smiling and not cribbing about how cold it is, inspired I roll down my window, to welcome the fresh wintery air on my face and fill up the warm car, followed by a “are you crazy” look from my dad, I sheepishly roll back the window and continue to listen to this song from Rocket Singh….

Pankhon ko hawa zara si lagne do
Dil bole soya tha ab jagne do
Dil dil mein hain dil ki tammana sau
Do sau hon chalo zara sa tapne do
Udne do udne do
Hawa zara si lagne do soya tha ab jagne do
Pankhon ko hawa zara si lagne do

Dhoop khili jism garam sa hai
Suraj yahin yeh bharam sa hai
Bikhri huyi raahein hazaron sau
Thaamo koi phir bhatakne do
Udne do udne do

Dil ki patang chahon mein gotey khaati hai
Dheel toh do dekho kahan pe jaati hai
Uljhe nahin toh kaise suljhoge
Bikhre nahin toh kaise nikhroge
Udne do udne do

As I listen to this song, I feel I am floating in air. For no reason, I feel lighter (hoping it continues like this)

As usual it’s been sometime since I scribbled here. For once I can say it wasn’t time issues (though there’s hardly anytime to do anything) but still….i was deliberately not posting. It wasn’t either that I didn’t have anything to post. Loads has happened. I simply didn’t feel like posting. Sounds fair enough right?..well kinda yes and no. I off-late was in a ranty and I mean crazy ranty mood. Crib crib crib crib…is all I wanted to do and I was tired of writing the same old stuff here. This problem that problem….whining and all that jazz. But then again, today during a chance conversation made me realize how light I felt after I had done my bit of ranting . Yes, it’s like having a crying shoulder, someone to whom you can tell all your woes feel all light. Someone who wouldn’t say or give you that look clearly indicating, “i told you so.”  No suggestions, no one to wipe the tears but just giving them space to flow out of my system. My blog is like a human being with loads of space, energy and patience sans the emotions, suggestions and the drama.
I knew i liked blogging but was being lazy, but today I realized how special and precious this space is to me. Thank You Scribblings for being there!!!>:D<

Keeping in tune with the above para, the past few or more so that last week has been a week of revelations and realizations. Realization coz I was trying to erase certain things pertaining to my life and revelations coz they would never leave my side however hard I try to erase or forget them. Some more revelations happened, hoping is good and keeps the aspiration levels high but what is more important to not put everything on stake on those hopes. This makes it sound like one should consider cautious hoping!?!?! Blame games are passe for me, I believe everything happens for a reason and to teach us a lesson. Learning lessons = Life. Still figuring out all the reasons and lessons. Guess figuring this one out would take sometime.

And I have a new mission now which is to bring my focus back on track. Hopefully I should be able to.

Saw Wake Up Sid finally….another feel good movie showing happy endings. Not always do things sort themselves out and lead to happy endings. At times trying too hard also fails. Guess I will have to wait for something like this to believe in it strongly. Lucky Ranbir Kapoor, he fails and yet lands up in his sort of dream job and gets the one he loves in the end.

Looking forward, Diwali is finally here..yay!!! Though not much of a celebration this year…but still the festivity in the air is getting to me…cheering me up like crazy…and I am not regretting it…not one bit. Infact I am enjoying myself. The colorful, fancy and innovative lights decorating Delhi houses makes you want to capture the pretty picture it creates. Happy Diwali to everyone (not many to say everyone here ) I have a 3 day long weekend coming up…triple yay! I hope to take sometime out for myself and just rest and enjoy myself. Hopefully, I can meet up with friends with whom numerous plans have been cancelled or failed to materialize.

Signing off for now…..boy do I feel nice after writing

Till next time-Happy Diwali, Take Care and Keep that smile coming my way.

Life is such a mystery, at times it makes you laugh like crazy and at other times it makes you cry and at some other times leaves you in a zonked state of mind. There was a time when I thought, no situation is such to leave one zonked or numb. Over the years this perception seems to have changed like other such similar notions.

The idiom-”Life through rose-tinted glasses”, well does hold true…till the time the glasses crack coz of  an encounter with reality, harsh reality.

Things have changed…so have perceptions and opinions. For good or for worse…I shall let time decide. But right now everything seems to be inside a tunnel…a dark one, no source of light around, not even a faint glimmer. Is it really so or I still have to adjust to the dark? Guess there will be a day when I shall adjust to the dark and find a way out of this dark tunnel…and so will I find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Coincidentally the title track of the movie ‘Kaminey’ plays on my iPod while I write this post.

(Kya kare zindagi isko hum jo mile
iski jaan kha gaye raat din ke gile) - (2)
raat din ke gile, meri aarzoo kamini, mere khwaab bhi kaminey
ik dil se dosti thi ki huzur bhi kaminey
kya kare zindagi isko hum jo mile
iski jaan kha gaye raat din ke gile.

Off late my posts (whatever limited number) seem to be more of questions. Questions some of which are those which have been asked by others with other  and a major chunk of them mushrooming in my head…as if they had taken human form and were taking a stroll through my mind if it were a free-for-all jogging area.

Questions range from work, friendship, life, relationships, general things around etc. With the assortment, I might as well compile a collection of questions or prepare a question bank…but alas for the solutions.

With the passing of time I have noticed a change in these questions. I guess this is what they call “getting matured” Usually a lot of these questions have evolved to be path leaders but some of them (unfortunately the crucial ones) have left me flabbergasted. Maybe I am unable to take cue the solutions these questions are pointing towards, but whatever said and done I am STUCK!

I need to break away or break free from this bondage. Bondage of my weakness of being unable to make a decision. A decision which is important, important enough to bring about a change in me, yet I am unable to muster the strength to take it.

What do I do????

Why me?

A day when you feel all that you do is everything but right.

A day when you seem to have derailed…but however hard you are trying to get back the track seems to just evade your path.

A day when you try & do everything that you can to keep everyone happy…backfires bigtime and ends up hurting people close to you.

A day when however hard you try to smile…the curve that sets everything straight refuses to appear.

A day which seems it would never end…and guess what…it DOESN’T!!!!

The jinxed day continues it’s Tsunamic (is there a word like that?!?!?) effect……:(