Claims of being free can be put to rest within seconds of the mind deciding to take a stroll down memory lane.  Smiling, blushing, blooming, fragrant,  joyous, alive to tearful, fading, withering, decaying, sad and dead emotions and memories reclaiming their position tends to leave one puzzled and pained rather than liberated.

Guess it’s a matter of time and struggle before freedom is attained. Till then what does one do with the memory flashbacks is still a mystery and something to be experimented upon. Of course freedom is not painless, it IS a painful affair after all.  However, it does leave one exhausted…really!

Till next time, I will ensure I have a smile on my face, a Mona Lisa Smile…..happy or sad….that’s a perspective to ponder upon.

To self: Here goes a checklist to do those things that would make me happy:

- Finish reading the books I have been collecting for sometime but never getting around to reading them.

- Take my camera with me and click random crazy pics and look at life from a brand new perspective

- Go shopping (this is always a continuous activity…how can it not be; after all retail therapy never fails )

- Exercise (well I should add…not be lazy to skip doing this)

- Listen to music and get my musical notes back again – nothing beats to pep up my mood. (so readers you can recommend your happy songs)

- Just relax the grey cells…they’ve been in overdrive for sometime now. Time to give them some rest and more importantly a breath of fresh air.

- Sleep early…to be rejuvenated for the next day and look forward to it more eagerly.

-  Last but not the least..IGNORING the existence of moronic individuals who just cause nothing but upheavals in my life. *Abracadabra—whoosh—-VANISH!* 

There’s a checklist…and now I follow it…starting tomorrow with the break of dawn.

Realization! Yes, there surely does come a point in life, when you feel that it’s time to get things in order. The brain starts to function in normal mode.  It finally decides on sorting the mess created by unwarranted for situations and events in one’s life, the cause of which of course are devils in the garb of mortal human beings. The agenda of these devious individuals is to ensure that the other person’s heart, head, work, peace of mind and overall life is screwed to the maximum extent possible.

When finally a shock wave hits the brain and there is some inflow of oxygen does one realize, the damage done and then first things first, prioritization initiates. It is at this stage when one sets priorities, if it were for me, I would start with the process of elimination, cut the root cause of the problem out of your life and system, to at least control further damage. Then starts the actual process of touching base with the people who would play the role of the healers. They will not only be there to listen to you but also understand and empathize along with providing a shoulder for you to cry upon. These usually are your friends, true friends, will be there to scold yet comfort you. Then the self-realization process initiates, and one realizes that it is the self which should always matter. Self esteem and self respect should never be lost out upon purely because you gave someone the authority to come into your life and get that space where they could easily hurt you and of course leave you wounded. As their agenda was to never be there to standby and protect but to damage and leave. The damage seems irreparable and unbearable but then as time heals all wounds,  there will be a time when the wounds do heal and the pain subsides and life meanders through its course.

At the end of this entire process, what one is left with is – Realization of who matters, who never did and who always will.

P.S.: Just saw the time, I now realize it’s time to hit the sack

How easy is it to “move on?” Does it really happen that one CAN actually put everything in the past and go ahead into something new with ease? Seeing people around me, I can say, well not really that easy. Moving on or in other words separating and starting afresh wouldn’t be a cake walk I presume. If someone asks me on the possibility, I don’t think the phrase and phase would be anything but easy. Emotional involvement with anyone is an exchange of not only moments or times spent together but much more than that. It is more so an exchange of personalities, thought process, energies and much beyond which words shall always fail to explain. A part of both the individuals is exchanged, the separation ends up leaving a void, which in most cases takes a very long time to fill. At times an eternity.

To summarize moving on is a slow process and doesn’t really happen in it’s entirety. Those who have ever been involved in a relationship would know this better, how ever many years may pass by, but there are times when you do tend to remember the past. It could be just memories flashing by or a chance meeting at a social do with your ex. There are moments that do tend to flash by, if not stay permanently (for numerous reasons).

If I had a wish, I would NOT EVER want a year like 2010. God, hope you are listening to this! Please do not repeat anything like the events of the year gone by.

The year has changed, the date has changed, 2 days of the new year have gone by already. Looking forward to the next 12 months with a hope of fun, happiness, joy, smiles, achievements, zero pain and zero tensions.

Hoping the same for all!

Happy New Year to everyone. Happy 2011!

Take Care and Keep Smiling!

Have you ever had the feeling of being suffocated? Or felt that you are trapped in that box with a lock with no place to escape. Giving no room to breathe or any outlet to escape. Suffocated I am feeling. I have so much inside me yet nothing to share.

I feel like crying out loud, scream like crazy….yet nothing comes out. Why is everything so stiffled? Whom to blame? God? Destiny? or Me?

It’s as if the dreams I had made are being washed away by the waves…just like the wordings of the song below mention:

Khoyi khoyi si hoon main
Kyun yeh dil ka haal hai
Dhundli saari khwaab hai
Ulja har khayaal hai
Saari kaliyan murja gayi
Rang unke yaadon mein beh gaye
Saare gharaande reet ke
Lehrein aayi, lehron mein beh gayi

Raah mein kal kitni chirag the
Saamne kal phoolon ki bhaag thi
Iss se kahun kaun hai jo sune
Kaante hi kyun maine hai chune
Sapne mere kyun hai kho gaye
Jaage hai kyun dil mein gumm mere
Saare kaliyan murja gayi
Rang unke yaadon mein beh gaye
Saare gharaande reet ke
Lehrein aayi, lehron mein beh gayi

Na na na ..

Kya kahun kyun yeh dil udaas hai
Ab koi door hai na paas hai
Choo le jo dil woh baatein ab kahan
Woh din kahan raatein ab kahan
Jo bhi dhakhal hai ab khawab sa
Ab dil mera hai betaab sa
Saari kaliyan murja gayi
Rang unke yaadon mein beh gaye
Saare gharaande reet ke
Lehrein aayi, lehron mein beh gayi, beh gaye…

And Life continues….

It is not that I try and remember these moments and incidents, they just stay engraved, embossed, imprinted and all the words that can describe to such effect automatically. Even if i try to forget them, yet they refuse to leave my side or rather my mind. Often I hear from those around me that you choose to remember and you choose to forget. In moments of analysis and trying to figure out why this happens and how I remember things, I have realized that I do not make a conscious effort  to remember them, they just do not leave my side. Or to put it the other way around somewhere deep down I do not wish to forget them. Either ways it is me who is at the focal point and the turmoil center is of course my mind.

Now when I think over it, I am tilting towards the realization that maybe it is me who does not want to let go of these memories. Letting go…is it that easy? It isn’t easy at all, somewhere we don’t want to let go of them. The void they leave behind is what causes the pain not remembering them but the feeling that those times which brought smiles won’t be there any longer. Of course each past moment is replaced with a new and futuristic one so on and so forth. Yet, the impact and effect the past ones leave is irreplaceable.

The current state of my mind is that I am in a bubble. A Memory Bubble. Memories surround me, envelop me, wrap their arms around me and hug me forever. Hugs which are so warm that I just want to stay there and not be let loose or even want the bubble to burst. I want to freeze moments. I wish I could. I would have gone into the past and frozen lots and lots of moments and stayed there forever. The problem is bizarre. Any suggestions to cure it???